I spent last week in DC; it was an amazing trip and a great addition to my summer adventures. I was grateful for the time to explore a new city, bask in the humid heat, and learn more about my culture and history. It was also a very friendly and kind reminder of who I am. Not only of who I am, but that it is okay to be me. I spend much of my time learning and embracing others and their worlds/paradigms. It is a great gift and love I have. Because of this, I blend and bend easily within my environments and relationships. Again, a great gift.
This great gift has led me to realize that I don’t actually have the greatest grasp on myself. The person that is me is someone who grafts themselves into other people’s “trees.” So, am I myself a tree too? The jury is out on that one. What I do know is that there are things that I feel and am intrinsically drawn to that I often do not pay much attention to as the majority of my focus has been to integrate with the atmosphere around me. But I have an atmosphere of my own. There are things that light me up and that I am naturally curious by. Aren’t we all? And yet, I feel guilty when I state my thoughts and opinions especially if it does not also highlight and praise the interests of others I am with.
The holocaust museum, while very well put together and heavy in its atmosphere, did not draw me in. Is it because I don’t care about the holocaust? No. They why? I could list several reasons why but I am not going to. Why? Because I find myself repeatedly having to explain why I feel or think the way I do. Defending my ideas, beliefs, and experiences on a constant basis has worn me out severely. Severely. Instead, I want to acknowledge and accept what I feel and what I think without always having to try and defend myself and give intellectually logical and understandable answers. I am tired of this. Do you want to know which museum I was indeed drawn to? The air and space museum.
I received many gentle reminders of who I am on the trip to DC… the things I am drawn to… the things that make me smile… make me excited… light me up… I might not intrinsically like everything everyone else likes, but I have a great gift in perceiving beauty in all. HOWEVER. I must remind myself that, while it is a great gift to see beauty in all, it might just be a greater gift to see the beauty in me.